lyrics speak to me more than you ever can.

i feel an absolute emptiness flowing over me. i don't know how to stop this emptiness, and i can't explain how i feel to anyone. i hurt constantly because of the things that haunt my past. i am worthless, and i know this.

i will never be the person i was three months ago. three months ago, i was fine. three months ago, i had not betrayed one of my best friends. by taking on her ex, i was inviting in a whole lot of hate. i still, to this day, do not fully understand why i did what i did. i knew it was wrong, i knew that she would find out, and i knew i was going to hurt everyone around me. however, i still committed the ultimate betrayal and that, in itself, makes me the worst kind of person.

we will never be the same two people, and this fact pulses through me with all of the uncomfort that it carries. i stare blankly at the walls and listen to say anything, because their lyrics speak louder to me than anything else on the world. their song "an insult to the dead" describes my every feeling when i consider the fucked up mistakes that i've made, and how i ruined everything for myself. their music never used to catch me until i began fully developing the deep seated hate that i have for myself.

i am a blackhole of endless disgust.