"look, mom! i found where i belong!"

it's true. i'm moving back to tucson. there are quite a few reasons behind why i chose to go back home, and i'll give them to you. but first: an update.

i broke up with conner, this time for good. everyone said that they knew we'd get back together, but it's just not going to happen. i don't feel the same way for him anymore. it just isn't there for me like it used to be. i wish i could just relight up the spark that made us start, but it just...burnt out. and he's been making so many friends and flirting with so many girls that i'm not going to stop him. he needs to move on and date someone his own age, no matter how hard he wants to pursue that he loves me. the truth is going to be terribly hard to break to him, but i'm going to do it eventually.

alright, reason time.

reason one: UNCW screwed me over multiple times. talk about taking your money and not caring about you. i was literally a number to them. disposable. so i gave up on them. the dean of the school of the arts at arizona cares about me. she wants me at her school so badly. and she also cannot wait to meet me when i go to orientation in august. i am absolutely thrilled to meet her as well!

reason two: i hate north carolina. as many friends as i've been trying to make this year, it doesn't seem worth it. i just...i want to be home. if i stay here then i'm going to break my own heart. i always told myself that i'd be going back to arizona, and this is really going to prove that i can do this. besides, i want to reconnect with my roots, not try to dig up new ones here.

reason three: i need to recreate me. i am a person that i absolutely hate. moving over two thousand miles away will literally change me. i'm going to become the person i've always wanted to be. i'm going to laugh for real and come out of my shell. i'm going to live and peace and learn to love, finally.

reason four: the desert will forever have my heart. end of story.

this is only a bit of the thousands of reasons of why i would prefer to live in arizona over north carolina. however, i'm going to miss my best friends dearly. they have been the rocks that i've clung to for so long. they're the reasons why my heart is floating somewhere safe. and it's going to be terribly hard to leave them.

ps: i am done with all of my temptations. i'm done with all my requests.

kenny; tried to play chelsea and i against each other. the two of them hung out a whole lot behind my back and had sex a couple of times. then he lied to both of us and said the same things to both of us to get the two of us to hate each other. thanks a lot, kenny, for trying to fuck me over.

aaron: he's moved on. thank god, in some ways for that. in other ways, it's half hurting to know that i'm that replaceable.

chelsea: engaged to pedro. should have seen it coming. she could have done so much better...plus, she's plugged up her face with so many piercings that it's hard to see the real her anymore.

nicole: has a girlfriend. it seems that everyone is moving on except me.

and another post-script:
i have a mad crush on eric. it's dangeorus, and it's going to need to disappear. during the time which i spent sitting in his car while he was at orientation, i was thinking, a lot. i'm crazy for the boy and he doesn't even realize it. i only hope that by the time he finds this out, i have put a whole country in between us.