i found it!

the picture tells all folks. it's true: i've found love. i've found some reason to exist in this dark world that i've been walking. for so long, i told myslef that this boy meant nothing. but he means everything, and i know that i mean everything back to him. it's great to feel like my heart is finally whole. it's great to feel like all of my happy endings could come true because of this kid.

samuel colin barrette, aka scooter. he's incredible. he's absolutely too beautiful for words and his eyes sparkle with the intense emotions and dreams he tells to me. he is driven and a good planner. most of all, he's ambitious and daring. i love that i get a thrill out of just being around him and whenever we kiss...god, i couldn't explain to you the amount of fireworks that go off in my body.

i just feel like this is so right in so many ways. and now, we live a whole country apart. it's horrible knowing that he's so far away and that i'm here, in arizona, about to start college. but i do not fret. i am in so much love with him that i could never let the space come between us. you know, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. well, i assume that might be correct. you see, ever since i moved here, i've been dreaming about him and missing him like crazy. i've been writing things to keep my mind on him and to keep my heart beating for him. i'm going to return back to him, without a doubt.

i realize now that i never loved anyone more purely or more profoundly than i do for him. it's insane how much i thought i loved before until now. he's so totally everything that i want and all i could ever need. i mean, he makes me feel like i should be the envy of every girl ever. and he means the whole world to me. there is nothing that could make me stop loving him. no temptations, no ties, nothing.

and the best part: he's not even my boyfriend. the relief of not having a label stuck to us is what makes this all the better. however, it does appear bittersweet. without having a "boyfriend", i am all up for grabs when it comes to college boys. however, i will never falter from my path with scooter. he is it. i never want this to end.

of course, sometimes i consider that i'm thinking illogically. but then i think about the people of the past who were married and happy by the time they were our age. we're just going to have to take this slow. and if we never let go of this love (which i sincerely pray doesn't happen) then we shall stay together, doing whatever we plan to do with our lives.

I LOVE THIS BOY WITH ALL OF MY HEART.