i need breathing room.

i have moved back to north carolina. unfortunately for me, as much as i want to be back, all of my friends are in school and i have no car. fortunately, i am here, where i want to be. and i have my incredible now boyfriend scooter and all of my friends around me, as well as my sisters and such.

but, the tirany within my own household has become even more obvious now that i'm back. what with my family frantically calling all of my friends to try and reach me and my dad being an intolerable ass right off the back, i don't know how much longer i can take living here. the bad news is, what happens when i move out? i have no car, still, but will be within walking distance of the mall and other surrounding areas where i can certainly get employment.

i seek to be free from this household of objection to living. my dad is a tyrant on another crazy spree. he has done everything from condemn my new haircut, which i love by the way, to complain about me dropping out of school. i told him that i missed him and he brushed it off like i haven't been gone for six weeks. i am absolutely tired of him and i just got home two hours ago.

i long to be free. can you please take me out of this hell hole? i need somewhere to feel relaxed and belonging. i love this place, but i hate my home. it is the ultimate hell to be locked within their four walls. i feel almost claustrophobic as i sit here and type, trying to piece together why this stupid drama already has to start. i had a wonderful reunion with three close friends and now my dad is stifling my happiness. i feel like i'm on the edge of a breakdown.

when i got off the plane at raleigh and came down the escalator, i saw scooter break through the crowd. it was like slow motion came over him as his smiling face filled my eyes. he was the only thing i saw and the only thing i cared to have in that moment. my whole body was trembling as i held him in my arms. scooter is the single most incredible thing that has ever happened to me, and i do not deny this.

as i was standing there, drenched in his presence, i was nearly in tears. my smile was so big that my face began to hurt, and my arms were wrapped around him ever so tightly. he gripped my back in a hold that i have missed too much for words and we laughed and held one another for what seemed like eternity. and when i finally pulled away, i was swept up in a reunion kiss that wasn't too passionate for public, but it wasn't too innocent either. he is absolutely incredible.

he took my hand as i went to say hi to mike, another good friend. it was so very loving and simple, and i had never expected it from him. he is too amazing. he even brought me flowers, a token of his affections. even though i said to him that he was an ass for bringing me these gorgeous deep purple daisies, i was overwhelmed with happiness. i felt butterflies springing into my stomach and my heart was dancing all around.

this has been one of the best decisions in my life. save the fact that i'm here in this horrible household with a father i cannot bear to be around for longer than five minutes. oh well.

my haircut is a way to branch off of these ties i have had. i'm going to be free, even if it kills me.