they say nightmares are doorways...

(the above picture has really nothing to do with this post. i just really liked it.)

i read somewhere in the vast reaches of interwebs that nightmares are simply doorways to your unconscious. if you sit down and analyze what is going on behind those nightmares that you have, you can find why you've had them. they're a realization of something playing on your conscious that you have to sort out. unfortunately for me, i just can't seem to figure out the reasons behind two recent nightmares. and it's not like these were months apart. let me tell you, before the move to arizona, i rarely had nightmares. now, they're coming one after the other. maybe it's this uneasy feeling i have here? i have no idea. but luckily for me, and my poor sleep deprived body, i'll be heading back to good old north carolina soon.

the first one happened on the night of august thirty-first. how do i remember this? i have it posted on facebook, that's how. anyways, in this nightmare, i was a litty girl whose family had just moved into this new house. it was a huge house, with a basement and attic and everything. now, a couple of days earlier, i had a dream that i was in a huge house with an attic and that's where my bedroom was. that one wasn't scary. but, that's a whole other thing.

anyways, i was in this big new house and wanted my bedroom to be in the basement. naturally, my parents had no problem with it because their room was on the first story; ground zero. so they tell me, "go down stairs and test out how well you'll be able to call to us if you need us in the middle of the night." so i, as a little kid eager to explore her room, happily did as they requested. but, as i opened the door to go down to the basement, an ominious feeling took over me. (you know when you start sweating because you feel nervous staring down into a dark space? that's what happened.)

so, i start walking down these stairs to find the light switch, but it doesn't work past the door. i tell my mom to turn on the lights, and she does, but the most that they illuminate are the stairs. i assume that all is well and trek onwards. once i get to the bottom of the stairs, i see this little girl with her back to me. i think i hear her crying, so i continue onwards. then, she whips her head around (kind of like in the exorcism movies) and just stares at me. i look to my right and there's this little creepy boy who's all contorted, coming straight towards me.

i immediately start screaming and running up the stairs, listening to their evil laughter trailing behind me. they were both saying something, but i can't remember exactly what. i woke up right after that, sweating and unable to move. it was absolutely too terriflying.

and now, last night.

it started out as a pleasant enough dream. i was with a bunch of friends in this dark part of town, so we were all obviously hanging out and having a good time at night. however, this night time part of town turned into this factory like place. it reminded me of the places where jigsaw kept his victims in "saw". actually, the whole dream reminded me of "saw", which is weird because i don't even like that movie. i saw the first one and said "this is stupid" then never watched it again.

back to the nightmare: this place is creepy as hell and there's these two doors seperated by a staircase. i don't know where these doors, or this staircase, lead to. so, i go up to the one door and open it and then go in. i don't think that i ever explored the place while i was dreaming, but i came out of the other door after what seemed like hours, all covered in blood and wearing a mask. (i assume the mask is kind of important?) and i'm panting and freaking out because i just almost died. plus, while i was in there, i came upon one of my friends, who wouldn't move. (also wearing a mask?)

i start freaking out and telling these companions that i don't recognize anymore about what just happened. they tell me that my friend is obviously dead. so, one of them enters the room. i can hear them screaming. my heart starts beating frantically, and i'm begging everyone else in that place not to go through those doors. i told them that there is something back there that tests your will to survive and if you go beyond those doors, you're not going to make it back like i did.

unfortunately for my unconscious self, no one listens to me. people start to show up, my friends, my family, even strangers with their children, and they're walking through these doors, even when i tell them not to. even a little girl with her horse walked through the doors. i'm screaming and my voice is going hoarse, i'm so upset. i can't stop crying (or sweating, for that matter) and i'm just hoping that someone listens to me.

then this lady comes up and says that she's going in. attached to her hand is her son, and he's like, two or three years old. he looks terrified, but she drags him along with determination. i fight with her, seriously trying to keep her from going in. but she insists and begins to push past me. now, i'm desperate and i fall to my knees trying to beg her to come back. by this point, real me is close to tears. i have only cried during serious dreams, but i forced myself to wake up once she walked through those doors because dream me couldn't even take it.

and then i'm left staring into the darkness of my room here at my grandmother's house. i'm absolutely shooken up from this dream that i can't go back to sleep. so now, i'm trying to figure out: what does it all mean?

oh nightmares...