it's going to be one of those nights.

tonight, i'm more than likely going to lay in bed, cry a little, and then sleep half the day away. i just feel so...depressed.

this is not the way i'm supposed to feel. i'm not liking my emotions very much. bipolarity is serious, and it hurts. i almost want to slit little lines into my legs just so that my heart is distracted. but, i'm not going to.

i think it's all because of the video of secrets i just made. some were really hard to admit to the world that's going to judge me. one was about my home life being hell and my parents not being in love. i was tempted to put up one about how i hate my dad and i'm a big disappointment, but i changed my mind.

then i looked at a picture with me and my grandparents. i feel more comfortable with them than with my natural parents. sometimes, i wish they were my mom and dad...

and now i'm crying. i don't know why. tonight is just really, really rough. i'm going to try and call it a night. i wish i had someone to talk to...badly.