To Prevent a Broken Heart

At this current moment in time, I'm preventing inevitable heartbreak on my behalf. Scooter and I no longer work together, nor do we see each other everyday...We used to. And it used to be wonderful. I was so happy. I loved him like never before...now everything sucks suddenly. But I know why. New schedules are coming into conflict with our hang out schedule and basically, it's breaking my heart. It's like I finally got to love him the way that I wanted to and now, it's being jerked away from me. It's given me insomnia; even with him cuddled up next to me now, I can't sleep.

So my heart is telling my head that it needs protection. I'm too co dependent. I need to stop. So I'm distancing. Not pushing; distancing. I'm mentally making myself love him less and I just...can't help it. If I loved him as much as I did, I would go crazy not being with him all the time. This is awful and I hate that I'm doing it to him, but I just...have to.

I will not cry myself to sleep. Or sit in my living room and cry at 6 in the goddamn morning over this. I used to go days without seeing him and as much as I never wanted to do that again, it's unavoidable. I just wish he knew...or at least felt the same. It's terrible.