Getting Comfortable

Yesterday was Valentine's Day. Scooter and I, along with Taylor and Brandon, went out to eat at Red Robin. Yes, it was delicious, but I'm in a panic over where my mind was that night. As I've recently noticed, I've been feeling a lot more gay. I don't know what's caused this sudden shift towards my being a lesbian, but I can already see where it's forced its way into aspects of my relationship. Now I'm not saying I plan on leaving him...that's the furthest thing from my mind. But I am saying that I'm struggling to continue this relationship the way it is.

What I'm trying to say is that I'm craving attention to every detail. I want to be told how beautiful I am every time he sees me. I want him to stare and smile and give me affection until I can't take it. I want him to treat me like a girl would treat me. And this also carries over into sex. I've noticed that I haven't been getting off with him recently. This is probably because he's a bit too lazy. Normally I wouldn't mind, but I'm so sick of being done and still feeling energized and not done. I want to please him, but I can't finish on sex alone...I need foreplay. I need making out and touching and feeling...I'm not talking oral. I'm talking intimacy. I want intimacy. I can't finish unless I've been worked up ahead of time.

As many times as I've told him that I love foreplay, I've never told him that I won't finish unless he does it. I usually come close enough anyways, so why not just lie and say I'm all good on that? I don't know why I do...I should tell him that just getting to it doesn't do much for me...but I just refuse to do that. So, my plan from now on is to not hop on it unless he's put in some effort. I will not grow bored with sex with him...but I'm terrified that if I keep just satisfying him, I will.

I don't know....it's just not fair that I do all this work for nothing in return...I think that's why I've been feeling more gay. I know that sex with a girl would send me totally into cum-central. I hate putting so much emphasis on sex stuff, but it's a huge part of why Scooter and I got together in the first place. He's the best I've ever had when he works at it. But he's just not trying anymore. I'd hate to think it has something to do with me, but it very well could. I just need to get the message through to him. No sex until I'm over the moon horny.