Impossible to feel bad.

I find it increasingly impossible to feel bad for things I say and do. For my whole life, I've put other people before me and it has broken me down while building me up all at once. For so long I was everyone's doormat, just letting them mold me into whatever position they needed at that moment. But now, I'm more interested in pleasing myself than anyone else.

Pleasing myself, however, has brought about some things that I didn't know would happen. I've lost friends as if the black plague was wiping them out. I've lost family, I've lost jobs, I've lost myself entirely...but only to gain a newer, happier me.

But I won't apologize for the way I feel now. I won't apologize for the growing up that I did. I'm true to myself and I feel, for the first time in my entire life, like the person that I always wanted to be. I have few friends who I hold dear to me, I am finally comfortable with my sexual identity, and I have a soul mate...something I was certain I would never find.

I no longer feel like my life lacks a future. When I was thirteen, I could hardly see myself reaching the age of eighteen...then when eighteen came around, twenty was too far. I knew when I was eighteen that I wanted to kill myself. I just needed to figure out when and how. But ever since I delved deep into myself and cut the unhealthy parts of my life out, I have found that even a hundred years of living wouldn't be enough.

To be honest, I have no one to thank other than my boyfriend...I hate when people change themselves after they fall in love, but it does wonders to you. I was a different person overnight, all because I opened my heart up to the impossible. All because I no longer cared about popularity...Just me. He introduced me to the world of my own mind and from that, I gave birth to the person that I am now. I did the soul searching and it has brought me here. It has been a long, and incredibly painstaking, road. But I am so glad that I've come to the plateau.

And I wouldn't change my life or decisions at all.