A very anti-mother's day

As Mother's Day is fast approaching, I find myself spiraling further and further into frustration and sadness. What used to be a sacred day where my sisters and my dad and I would all get a picture made is now a looming black cloud. I have no mother anymore. Honestly, she is more than dead to me. Her actions bear consequences and one of those is losing me. What makes me even more angry is that she refuses to acknowledge that all of this is her fault. She puts the blame on the necessity to escape an abusive marriage, but even that doesn't explain why you stay gone. None of that explains why you left your baby in high school, or your pregnant teenager with the dangerous boyfriend, or your severely damaged and depressed college student. Why couldn't you love us enough to stay? Why couldn't you love us enough to come back?
Now you're trapped across the country with no money or job or family. And you still think everything is ok. Not even your own parents or your first born will speak to you, yet it makes no difference. Your piece of shit, home wrecking, pathetic asshole truck driving boyfriend is all you want and need. You've made that more than apparent, especially when you let him call me a drug addict. How dare you allow him to even text me anything concerning my life. He doesn't know me; he hardly knows you. I don't trust you with him. Every night I go to bed wondering if you're ok. Is he beating you? Is he threatening you? Is he controlling you? You're weak, and I know it. Any amount of manipulation will have you: isn't that just what happened when you fled to Arizona anyways? You ran right to him and away from us, even when we were begging you to stay. You hung up on me when I cried for you to just stay...don't go...please, mom. Don't go...
And you left. You left and you cut us off.
You think I want you to come back and be with dad. No, actually. I was the driving force behind your processing. I told you that you didn't love my dad. I started it all. It just took your idiot sister finding some random guy she used to know 20 years ago and introducing you to set this in motion. Whatever he said to you, it twisted your brain. In no time at all, you chose him over your own children. You chose him over everything you had: a career, friends, a home, family.
And you justify your abandonment by saying we were grown women. A child in high school is not a grown woman. She has no place living in a home by herself, with rent overdue for 2 months and school to focus on. How is she supposed to eat, take care of herself, survive? You didn't even hesitate to think about her. A child in high school can't handle that kind of sudden responsibility. It disgusts me that you even think it's justifiable. Not to mention you uprooted during the worst time. All the legal troubles surrounding your other teenager didn't cause you to lose sleep, obviously. While she struggles with a job, no license, court issues out her ass, and a baby on the way, you happily cruise around the country getting updates on everything without handling the responsibility. And let's not forget me, your favorite turned hated, who's moving into a brand new stage in my life with moving in with my boyfriend, college. I have debts I have to pay off and a car that won't stop breaking. I'm hardly able to feed myself...
We still needed you mom. We always need you. Just because eighteen is the age of adulthood doesn't mean it makes us completely capable. Mothers are supposed to care for their babies and love them and watch them and be there always. Instead, you abandoned us. You are selfish and disgusting and I am terribly ashamed to call you mother. This mother's day will be the most anti of mother's days. I will work a double and take an adoral and forget that I had the horrible misfortune of falling out of your vagina. You made your bed, now lie in it.