Truth is...

I'm sad. And I do miss you. And it hurts because you friend request and follow, but you never call. You don't text. You emailed once or twice but it just hurts that your boyfriend called me to talk before you. He called to ask if I was okay and to tell me that he still cared about my mental state. That sucks that the person I really want to talk to isn't even brave enough to do that. I had a dream last night that I saw you and Alex together, talking about how bad of a friend I was. I don't know why, but it resonated. I am a bad friend. I'm a bad friend to everybody. I'm a bad sister, a bad daughter, a bad girlfriend. I'm not the kind of person meant to have relationships. I just ruin all of them. My heart is so broken right now. All I can think about is how I have nothing and you have everything. My sisters love you. My aunt loves you. My cousins love you. You're in my place and I'm just an outsider who wishes things could be different. Now my mom's birthday is coming up and I'm panicking and I don't want to speak to her but I don't know what to do...and I need you.
It's been almost a year and I still need you...