I wish I was stronger.

I wish I was better. I wish I could smile everyday. I wish killing myself didn't seem like a viable option. I keep having to remind myself of the people it would inconvenience if I did go through with it. I keep thinking, "How would Scooter feel?" But look at how I feel... Broken. Alone. Abandoned. Useless. Entirely unimportant. I want out. Out of this state, out of this country, out of this world. I have hardly anything to live for anymore. I thought I had worked my way out of this, but putting myself to sleep forever is starting to plague my daily thoughts. I hope you see this and know what you did to me. You were selfish and hurtful and you made me realize just how phony my life was. It continues to deteriorate daily. So long as you breathe and live and function, I will continue to disappear. I just need it to happen for good. If only I was still religious and single. Then this decision would be a lot simpler.