A New Kind of Me

I'm kind of surprised at myself right now...I feel like a whole new person. I have a feeling that I just kicked that slight bipolar disorder's ass. I don't want to die anymore...as I've previously told myself. But now I don't even feel like the old me. It's hard to imagine the person I was: pessimistic, crying constantly...

My life has changed dramatically for the better. This is why I love marijuana so much. It's made me open my mind to all the possibilities I have been so lucky to receive. Everything that happens from here on out is going to be like me living my fairy tale. I'm going to have a long, happy life. I'm going to fill it with love and with friends. I'm going to seize the day. I have finally learned peace and will start to live love.

I can't believe I have made it to this point. My potential is limitless. I am beyond proud of myself. There is no chance that I would want to ever look back. My naive belief that I could go through life dreading waking up and being a part of the world...well, that was just messed up. I want to live. I want to experience everything I can. I want to grow up and get old one day. I want to just live out my life the way I'm supposed to live it out.

My heart has Scooter to thank, to be honest...He's the driving force behind my sudden realization of happiness. I will forever be in debt to him for what he has shown me. I only hope to give him a life full of love and cherished memories in return...

My warpaint is Sharpie ink...

Life update: still with Scooter, living in my own apartment with Alex, no longer talking to Stacy. I also have a cat.

I finished a book. It's a book about why I'm an atheist. (That's another update for you!) In the book, I detail my journey from believer to non. It covers everything, literally, that you would want to know about why I don't believe. Some people still criticize me for putting my thoughts out there, but I think it's empowering. Much like cutting all of my hair off changed me confidence wise, this will help me rest easy knowing that I have myself figured out. Stacy called me a follower for not believing. I think she's a damn fool for still thinking it's true.

Scooter did not turn me atheist, as people keep assuming. I read, I learn; from personal experience, I have not seen God.

On another note: I am undoubtedly, for the first time in my entire life, in love. There is no turning back now. No irking in the back of my mind telling me that this is not right. There is nothing but excitement and hope for my future with him. I daydream about being Melissa Barrette for the rest of my life. I can't wait to just be his, forever. I trust him with every ounce of me and there's no way I would trade him for the world. I really do love him; that word that I once cringed at is now my reality. It is my only vice. I don't think I can say it enough.

I realize now that I did everything right. I didn't have long relationships before him because no one else could ever be worth it. I never got my practice in because I didn't need it. Everything just falls into place with him and it's so effortless. By clinging to this irrational fear of love, it taught me to savor it more. I cherish love above everything else. I have such a great appreciation of these emotions and I just want all people to feel the way I do. Each and every fiber of me is optimistic.

I could potentially beat this bipolar disorder, I think. I believe that love is going to cure me. I hope it will. I almost know I will. It is so amazing.